THOUGHTS OF MY MOTHER/journal

January 14th, 2010: Missing my parents: today missing Mom more for some reason. (this is the very first time I have thought of using my blog as a journal ''journal." Will see how it goes for now. [To my adult children, I kinda like this idea so you can read stuff that I may not have yet told you about Nana and PopPop. So I am just going to keep adding to this through the year. So, be sure to click on the ''In Honor of My Mother or Father to the left of the page scrolling down to see future stories. I'll date each new entry to help you keep track (this is more for me than you..ha ha ha..you know me and written material.. ha ha, love, mom)]

Today I was walking around the house getting an asundry of things done when it hit me as I passed my mother's antique corner closet. She always wanted me to have it. She decided early on which antique she wanted each of us (5) to have some day. Well, Mom collected antique plates and some not so antique ones. She has salt cellars, teacups and so on. In the bottom she always stored dip bowls, reuseable snowmen toothpicks, seashells for serving none other than ''seafood," and other items. When I was small I would sneak and turn the key that opened the closet snooping through "the stuff." Besides enjoying looking at the things it was fun thinking I was getting away with something; ha ha ha.

Then one day when I was about 17 or 18 Mom told me she wanted me to have the corner closet. She felt it ''fit me." I didn't know what she meant but she saw me as someone who would really take care of the items and the piece; that I would always cherish it. She saw me as a future great homemaker, driven to detail and conscientious. Someone who would entertain and use a dining room and so on. That's enough on that.

So, I found myself wanting to write in a journal about memories of Mom but thought I would start a section here as my journal on memories of Mom, Dad and our family and see how I use this spot over the coming year, if I do. I think I am ADD. I get distracted from one task to another. I think that is why I forget that I have beautiful linens for end tables and other things here and there that I could use blah blah blah.

Back to Mom.
So I spent some time looking at my mother's plates she collected over the years in the corner closet. I did some rearranging while looking. I wonder why she chose cerain ones. I know she told me some stories but I don't remember any. I have a terrible memory; always have! (that is why I take a lot of photographs; I remember b/c of what I see or remember a photograph and then comes the memory).

One plate says "Palestine" on the back. I know why the farm scens and serene scenes. Mom often had this look on her face when she was outside. A look of awe about the beauty of the sky, birds, trees and definitely scents. She used to take us on picnics and we would sit under pine trees looking up at the sky. Sometimes we would be quiet; other times she would say poetry or tell us a story.

With me Mom would say, "Ohhhh Suzie, look at that sky, would ya?" Or, she would say it and leave out the ''would ya." She'd let out a breath of wonder. Mom loved so many things one of those was us kids: Skeeter, Jackie, Hannah, Suzie and Amy. She would also say to me about you four kids, "Suzie do you know how lucky you are?" She would have these looks of love, wonder and appreciation in her eyes and pride for me. She also said that because I did and do complain about things. She was a good listener when I was down.

Mom was most definitely a thankful person. Always counting her blessings. In winter, I was small maybe 8 or 10; if there was a winter storm with snow blowing she loved to walk down the center of the long farm field that extended down Jessup Road. She told me later it was so peaceful and just gorgeous the snow hitting her face and so on. She also did not mind getting her head wet! I do not like that for some reason. I didn't find this out about Mom till in my twenties. We were going out to the horse barn and it began to rain. Well, I am running to get out of the rain and she is just walking along, almost a saunter. We laughed about it. She'd say, "oh Suzie, you're silly." And we laughed some more. I love water though. Swimming, playing in water...yeah, its great. Usually once I am wet you can't get me out of the water. I do turn purple though, my lips since I was a child. Mom said it was because I didn't have any meat on my bones. Once I was outside and the winter wind was blowing so strong. The driveway was icy. She had just come off the side porch and I yelled, "Mom,
I'm blowing away....!!" And sure enough, the wind pushed me across the ice of the driveway. It was scarey!!

Well, I have said enough for today. I miss Mom a lot particulary today for some reason. I feel like I could cry; like there is something down inside but it doesn't come out. As time goes on I still miss my parents; it never goes away. But it does get easier.

When I picture my mother I see a beautful lit up face with smiling eyes and mouth, someone who loves/loved me and would hug me if I needed or wanted a hug. Mom always had time for us and made time; a giver not a taker.
I love you Mom very much, Suzie

January 16th, 2010: You know, Mom was so interested in everything we kids did and were interested in. She told me more than once how she could have had tons of more kids. One reason why was because we were all so interesting and different; she loved learning, enjoying and watching each of us with our various gifts/talents, etc. that more kids meant more to enjoy! She was a fascinating woman and so nice. People just liked Mom; as I got older and Mom got Altzheimer's other adults would encourage me by sharing the great things they saw in Mom.